Robotic Patch Adams

My blood glucose monitor and I are now on speaking terms -and by speaking I mean it actually speaks to me. In a pleasant female voice reminiscent of Siri. I mean how cool is that? Merica!

There is a problem though, or rather a quirk. A quirk which I find quite amusing and which helps distract me from the fact that my monitor is indeed a blood sucking Klingon killer (It was in a previous post. http://theagoraphobicdiabetic.blogspot.com/2015/06/blood-sucking-vampire-tech-with-fangs.html I stand by my analysis.).

Anyway my blood glucose monitor has a lisp. That's right. A lisp.


I turn the thing on, it goes through its little power up cycle and then it says, "Pwease insert the test stwip." I kid you not. That is what I hear. Suddenly I am transported back to countless viewings of The Princess Bride and I am chuckling as I stick myself and coaxe blood from my finger. "Have you the Bwud? Your bwud gwucose is one hundwed and seventy one miwwigwams per decawiter! Goodbye!" I put a Band-Aid on and clean up the sharps smiling.


Now THAT is good healthcare. I imagine a day when all of our healthcare is provided by friendly robots along the lines of Baymax from Big Hero 6 and good or bad we will be able to program them to speak in any voice we choose.

Imagine getting your healthcare by a robot that sounds like a pirate: "Yar! Ye be givin me yer finger and lettin me poke it or it be the plank for ye matey! Yar! Ye be havin a blood glucose level of 156 landlubber! No rum for ye!"

Or John Wayne: "Cowboy up Pilgrim! Why I've lost more blood spittin on a fire than what's comin from yer finger! Now says here you got a blood glucose level of 175. I reckon you get yerself straight, saddle up and ride sugar free from here on out. Pilgrim!"


Or how about the Enterprise crew:
"This...blood...it's ready to be...tested. Bones! Let's test this man's...blood."
"145 Jim. Why he's a regular Vulcan! Fit as a fiddle and didn't budge an inch as I poked him!"
"Although I cannot argue with your analysis I find your comparison to Vulcan physiology disturbing Doctor. You are dismissed Yeoman Dobson."


Yessir the future is bright. Wiv Wong and Pwosper!