Smoking is kind of dumb. It's been around a long time. A long time indeed. Oh sure people think they've gone and shut the whole industry down and made things smoke free, and for the most part they have. Compare smoking in the 2010's to smoking in the 1970's. Big difference. But dumb carries on and smoking right along with it.
Revenge is kind of dumb too. It's been around a long time as well. A long time indeed. For the most part duels and such have ended and good riddance. Yet how many Alexander Hamiltons and Evariste Galois did we have to kill in order to end that foolishness? But dumb carries on and revenge right along with it.
When smoking and revenge intersect dumb sets up shop and sells to both of them. I know because I stand at that intersection and can testify. Now if smokers are dumb and those set on revenge are dumb and I don't smoke then I must be the latter. Yes, I do have frequent need of revenge against smokers and therefore accept my own particular brand of stupid in this matter. Allow me to explain. You see, I have found a simple form of revenge against bad smokers that I am not necessarily proud of, yet which makes me so undeniably satisfied I think it may be genius: I invest in tobacco companies.
That's right. I am an activist investor. No not that kind. I long ago realized that trying to buy up a controlling number of shares to change a company will not actually change the world, regardless of what George Soros thinks, bless his little heart. No, I am the kind of investor that derives great satisfaction in bringing my knowledge of investing to bear against the numbskulls that cause me and everyone else so much angst out in public. I'm not talking about polite smokers. They're fine. God bless em! I have no problem with them.You guys care about other people. You get it. Smoke and enjoy my friends!
No, I am talking about the impolite smokers. We all know the type: young, stupid, think the whole world is against them, just smoking in the parking lot between stints in jail or juvenile. Or worse the older ones that ought to know better, but for whatever reason think tattoos, menthols, and sagging cleavage make them look cool at age 60.Young and old, they smoke in front of the doors at Target. They blow smoke on you and your baby as you walk by. They get off the train and light up right on the platform, smoking laws and second hand smoke be damned. You know what they are thinking, and it isn't nice. You ignore them or you confront them. Either way there isn't much satisfaction in it.
However, I have found a solution to them that is better than either ignoring them or confronting them. It brings me satisfaction. Since they insist on blowing their smoke in my face I simply smile big, and think to myself CHA CHING! Thank you for paying me for your idiocy and rudeness. I appreciate it. Your dumb habit puts money into my pocket in the form of quarterly dividends and long term share appreciation. Thank you for smoking you Neanderthal.
Yes I know. It's not very nice of me. Or ethical. But it is revenge. Revenge for their particular drag on me and society at large. Revenge for the asinine way they live and the way they force me to partake of it anytime we come in contact. Cha ching captain idiot. I hope you get a clue sometime, but until you do cha ching. Cha ching. Cha ching. Cha ching.
It changes nothing really, but it makes me feel better about them. The dregs of society. Always there dregging around or whatever it is they do between muggings. Mugging us on the street. Mugging our taxes. Mugging our nation. Big tobacco allows us to mug them back almost to a man. I'm not sure what that says about corporations, or society, or me, but when I desperately need a way to respond to the moron in leather laughing at me and smoking in my children's' faces I gotta tell ya, hardly anything beats it. It is beautifully, wickedly satisfying revenge. I accept my stupidity in this matter. Cha ching.
